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him as a eunuch.

Vatsyayana says that the man should begin to win her over, and to create
confidence in her, but should abstain at first from sexual pleasures. Women,
being of a tender nature, want tender beginnings, and when they are forcibly
approached by men with whom they are but slightly acquainted, they
sometimes suddenly become haters of sexual connection, and sometimes even
haters of the male sex. The man should therefore approach the girl according to
her liking, and should make use of those devices by which he may be able to
establish himself more and more into her confidence. These devices are as
He should embrace her first of all in a way she likes most, because it does not
last for a long time.

He should embrace her with the upper part of his body because that is easier
and simpler. If the girl is grown up, or if the man has known her for some time,
he may embrace her by the light of a lamp, but if he is not well acquainted with
her, or if she is a young girl, he should then embrace her in darkness.

When the girl accepts the embrace, the man should put a tambula or screw of
betel nut and betel leaves in her mouth, and if she will not take it, he should
induce her to do so by conciliatory words, entreaties, oaths, and kneeling at her
feet, for it is a universal rule that however bashful or angry a woman may be
she never disregards a man's kneeling at her feet. At the time of giving this
tambula he should kiss her mouth softly and gracefully without making any

When she is gained over in this respect he should then make her talk, and so
that she may be induced to talk he should ask her questions about things of
which he knows or pretends to know nothing, and which can be answered in a
few words. If she does not speak to him, he should not frighten her, but should
ask her the same thing again and again in a conciliatory manner. If she does
not then speak he should urge her to give a reply because, as Ghotakamukha
says, `all girls hear everything said to them by men, but do not themselves
sometimes say a single word'.

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On courtship, and the manifestation of the feelings by outward signs
and deeds

A poor man possessed of good qualities, a man born of a low family possessed
of mediocre qualities, a neighbour possessed of wealth, and one under the
control of his father, mother or brothers, should not marry without
endeavouring to gain over the girl from her childhood to love and esteem him.
Thus a boy separated from his parents, and living in the house of his uncle,
should try to gain over the daughter of his uncle, or some other girl, even
though she be previously betrothed to another. And this way of gaining over a
girl, says Ghotakamukha, is unexceptional, because Dharma can be
accomplished by means of it as well as by any other way of marriage.

When a boy has thus begun to woo the girl he loves, he should spend his time
with her and amuse her with various games and diversions fitted for their age
and acquaintanceship, such as picking and collecting flowers, making garlands
of flowers, playing the parts of members of a fictitious family, cooking food,
playing with dice, playing with cards, the game of odd and even, the game of
finding out the middle finger, the game of six pebbles, and such other games as
may be prevalent in the country, and agreeable to the disposition of the girl. In
addition to this, he should carry on various amusing games played by several
persons together, such as hide and seek, playing with seeds, hiding things in
several small heaps of wheat and looking for them, blindman's buff, gymnastic
exercises, and other games of the same sort, in company with the girl, her
friends and female attendants. The man should also show great kindness to any
woman whom the girl thinks fit to be trusted, and should also make new
acquaintances, but above all he should attach to himself by kindness and little
services the daughter of the girl's nurse, for if she be gained over, even though
she comes to know of his design, she does not cause any obstruction, but is
sometimes even able to effect a union between him and the girl. And though
she knows the true character of the man, she always talks of his many
excellent qualities to the parents and relations of the girl, even though she may
not be desired to do so by him.

In this way the man should do whatever the girl takes most delight in, and he
should get for her whatever she may have a desire to possess. Thus he should
procure for her such playthings as may be hardly known to other girls. He may
also show her a ball dyed with various colours, and other curiosities of the same
sort; and should give her dolls made of cloth, wood, buffalo-horn, wax, flour, or
earth; also utensils for cooking food, and figures in wood, such as a man and
woman standing, a pair of rams, or goats, or sheep; also temples made of
earth, bamboo, or wood, dedicated to various goddesses; and cages for
parrots, cuckoos, starlings, quails, cocks, and partridges; water-vessels of
different sorts and of elegant forms, machines for throwing water about,
guitars, stands for putting images upon, stools, lac, red arsenic, yellow
ointment, vermilion and collyrium, as well as sandalwood, saffron, betel nut and
betel leaves. Such things should be given at different times whenever he gets a
good opportunity of meeting her, and some of them should be given in private,
and some in public, according to circumstances. In short, he should try in every
way to make her look upon him as one who would do for her everything that
she wanted to be done.

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About things to be done only by the man, and the acquisition of the girl
thereby. Also what is to be done by a girl to gain over a man, and
subject him to her

Now when the girl begins to show her love by outward signs and motions, as
described in the last chapter, the lover should try to gain her over entirely by
various ways and means, such as the following:

When engaged with her in any game or sport he should intentionally hold her
hand. He should practise upon her the various kinds of embraces, such as the
touching embrace, and others already described in a preceding chapter (Part II,
Chapter II). He should show her a pair of human beings cut out of the leaf of a
tree, and such like things, at intervals. When engaged in water sports, he
should dive at a distance from her, and come tip close to her. He should show
an increased liking for the new foliage of trees and such like things. He should
describe to her the pangs he suffers on her account. He should relate to her the
beautiful dream that he has had with reference to other women. At parties and
assemblies of his caste he should sit near her, and touch her under some
pretence or other, and having placed his foot upon hers, he should slowly touch
each of her toes, and press the ends of the nails; if successful in this, he should
get hold of her foot with his hand and repeat the same thing. He should also
press a finger of her hand between his toes when she happens to be washing
his feet; and whenever he gives anything to her or takes anything from her, he
should show her by his manner and look how much he loves her.

He should sprinkle upon her the water brought for rinsing his mouth; and when
alone with her in a lonely place, or in darkness, he should make love to her,
and tell her the true state of his mind without distressing her in any way.

Whenever he sits with her on the same seat or bed he should say to her, `I
have something to tell you in private', and then, when she comes to hear it in a
quiet place, he should express his love to her more by manner and signs than
by words. When he comes to know the state of her feelings towards him he
should pretend to be ill, and should make her come to his house to speak to
him. There he should intentionally hold her hand and place it on his eyes and
forehead, and under the pretence of preparing some medicine for him he should
ask her to do the work for his sake in the following words: `This work must be
done by you, and by nobody else.' When she wants to go away he should let
her go, with an earnest request to come and see him again. This device of
illness should be continued for three days and three nights. After this, when she
begins coming to see him frequently, he should carry on long conversations
with her, for, says Ghotakamukha, `though a man loves a girl ever so much, he
never succeeds in winning her without a great deal of talking'.

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On certain forms of marriage (1)

When a girl cannot meet her lover frequently in private, she should send the
daughter of her nurse to him, it being understood that she has confidence in
her, and had previously gained her over to her interests. On seeing the man,
the daughter of the nurse should, in the course of conversation, describe to him
the noble birth, the good disposition, the beauty, talent, skill, knowledge of
human nature and affection of the girl in such a way as not to let him suppose
that she had been sent by the girl, and should thus create affection for the girl
in the heart of the man. To the girl also she should speak about the excellent
qualities of the man, especially of those qualities which she knows are pleasing
to the girl. She should, moreover, speak with disparagement of the other lovers
of the girl, and talk about the avarice and indiscretion of their parents, and the
fickleness of their relations. She should also quote samples of many girls of
ancient times, such as Sakoontala and others, who, having united themselves
with lovers of their own caste and their own choice, were ever happy afterwards
in their society. And she should also tell of other girls who married into great
families, and being troubled by rival wives, became wretched and miserable,
and were finally abandoned. She should further speak of the good fortune, the
continual happiness, the chastity, obedience, and affection of the man, and if
the girl gets amorous about him, she should endeavour to allay her shame2 and
her fear as well as her suspicions about any disaster that might result from her
marriage. In a word, she should act the whole part of a female messenger by
telling the girl all about the man's affection for her, the places he frequented,
and the endeavours he made to meet her, and by frequently repeating, `It will
be all right if the man will take you away forcibly and unexpectedly.'

The Forms of Marriage
When the girl is gained over, and acts openly with the man as his wife, he
should cause fire to be brought from the house of a Brahman, and having
spread the Kusha grass upon the ground, and offered an oblation to the fire, he
should marry her according to the precepts of the religious law. After this he
should inform his parents of the fact, because it is the opinion of ancient
authors that a marriage solemnly contracted in the presence of fire cannot
afterwards be set aside.

After the consummation of the marriage, the relations of the man should
gradually be made acquainted with the affair, and the relations of the girl
should also be apprised of it in such a way that they may consent to the
marriage, and overlook the manner in which it was brought about, and when
this is done they should afterwards be reconciled by affectionate presents and
favourable conduct. In this manner the man should marry the girl according to
the Gandharva form of marriage.

When the girl cannot make up her mind, or will not express her readiness to
marry, the man should obtain her in any one of the following ways:

On a fitting occasion, and under some excuse, he should, by means of a female
friend with whom he is well acquainted, and whom he can trust, and who also is
well known to the girl's family, get the girl brought unexpectedly to his house,
and he should then bring fire from the house of a Brahman, and proceed as
before described.

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On the manner of living of a virtuous woman, and of her behaviour
during the absence of her husband

A virtuous woman, who has affection for her husband, should act in conformity
with his wishes as if he were a divine being, and with his consent should take
upon herself the whole care of his family. She should keep the whole house well
cleaned, and arrange flowers of various kinds in different parts of it, and make
the floor smooth and polished so as to give the whole a neat and becoming
appearance. She should surround the house with a garden, and place ready in it
all the materials required for the morning, noon and evening sacrifices.
Moreover she should herself revere the sanctuary of the Household Gods, for,
says Gonardiya, `nothing so much attracts the heart of a householder to his
wife as a careful observance of the things mentioned above'. Towards the
parents, relations, friends, sisters, and servants of her husband she should
behave as they deserve. In the garden she should plant beds of green
vegetables, bunches of the sugar cane, and clumps of the fig tree, the mustard
plant, the parsley plant, the fennel plant, and the xanthochymus pictorius.
Clusters of various flowers such as the trapa bispinosa, the jasmine, the
jasminum grandiflorum, the yellow amaranth, the wild jasmine, the
tabernamontana coronaria, the nadyaworta, the china rose and others, should
likewise be planted, together with the fragrant grass andropogon schaenanthus,
and the fragrant root of the plant andropogon miricatus. She should also have
seats and arbours made in the garden, in the middle of which a well, tank, or
pool should be dug.

The wife should always avoid the company of female beggars, female Buddhist
mendicants, unchaste and roguish women, female fortune tellers and witches.
As regards meals she should always consider what her husband likes and
dislikes and what things are good for him, and what are injurious to him. When
she hears the sounds of his footsteps coming home she should at once get up
and be ready to do whatever he may command her, and either order her female
servant to wash his feet, or wash them herself. When going anywhere with her
husband, she should put on her ornaments, and without his consent she should
not either give or accept invitations, or attend marriages and sacrifices, or sit in
the company of female friends, or visit the temples of the Gods. And if she
wants to engage in any kind of games or sports, she should not do it against his
will. In the same way she should always sit down after him, and get up before
him, and should never awaken him when he is asleep. The kitchen should be
situated in a quiet and retired place, so as not to be accessible to strangers,
and should always look clean.

In the event of any misconduct on the part of her husband, she should not
blame him excessively, though she be a little displeased. She should not use
abusive language towards him, but rebuke him with conciliatory words, whether
he be in the company of friends or alone. Moreover, she should not be a scold,
for, says Gonardiya, `there is no cause of dislike on the part of a husband so
great as this characteristic in a wife'. Lastly she should avoid bad expressions,
sulky looks, speaking aside, standing in the doorway, and looking at passers-
by, conversing in the pleasure groves, and remaining in a lonely place for a long
time; and finally she should always keep her body, her teeth, her hair and
everything belonging to her tidy, sweet, and clean.

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On the conduct of the eldest Wife towards the other Wives of her
Husband, and of the younger Wife towards the elder ones. Also on the
conduct of a Virgin Widow remarried; of a Wife disliked by her
Husband; of the Women in the King's Harem; and of a Husband who has
more than one Wife

The causes of re-marrying during the lifetime of the wife are as follows:

The folly or ill-temper of the wife

Her husband's dislike to her

The want of offspring

The continual birth of daughters

The incontinence of the husband
From the very beginning, a wife should endeavour to attract the heart of her
husband, by showing to him continually her devotion, her good temper, and her
wisdom. If however she bears him no children, she should herself toilette her
husband to marry another woman. And when the second wife is married, and
brought to the house, the first wife should give her a position superior to her
own, and look upon her as a sister. In the morning the elder wife should
forcibly make the younger one decorate herself in the presence of their
husband, and should not mind all the husband's favour being given to her. If
the younger wife does anything to displease her husband the elder one should
not neglect her, but should always be ready to give her most careful advice,
and should teach her to do various things in the presence of her husband. Her
children she should treat as her own, her attendants she should look upon with
more regard, even than on her own servants, her friends she should cherish
with love and kindness, and her relations with great honour.

When there are many other wives besides herself, the elder wife should
associate with the one who is immediately next to her in rank and age, and
should instigate the wife who has recently enjoyed her husband's favour to
quarrel with the present favourite. After this she should sympathize with the
former, and having collected all the other wives together, should get them to
denounce the favourite as a scheming and wicked woman, without however
committing herself in any way. If the favourite wife happens to quarrel with the
husband, then the elder wife should take her part and give her false
encouragement, and thus cause the quarrel to be increased. If there be only a
little quarrel between the two, the elder wife should do all she can to work it up
into a large quarrel. But if after all this she finds the husband still continues to
love his favourite wife she should then change her tactics, and endeavour to
bring about a conciliation between them, so as to avoid her husband's

Thus ends the conduct of the elder wife.

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On the Characteristics of Men and Women, and the reason why Women
reject the Addresses of Men. About Men who have Success with
Women, and about Women who are easily gained over

The wives of other people may be resorted to on the occasions already
described in Part I, Chapter V, of this work, but the possibility of their
acquisition, their fitness for cohabitation, the danger to oneself in uniting with
them, and the future effect of these unions, should first of all be examined. A
man may resort to the wife of another, for the purpose of saving his own life,
when he perceives that his love for her proceeds from one degree of intensity
to another. These degrees are ten in number, and are distinguished by the
following marks:
q Love of the eye

q Attachment of the mind

q Constant reflection

q Destruction of sleep

q Emaciation of the body

q Turning away from objects of enjoyment

q Removal of shame

q Madness

q Fainting

q Death

Ancient authors say that a man should know the disposition, truthfulness,
purity, and will of a young woman, as also the intensity, or weakness of her
passions, from the form of her body, and from her characteristic marks and
signs. But Vatsyayana is of opinion that the forms of bodies, and the
characteristic marks or signs are but erring tests of character, and that women
should be judged by their conduct, by the outward expression of their thoughts,
and by the movements of their bodies.

Now as a general rule Gonikaputra says that a woman falls in love with every
handsome man she sees, and so does every man at the sight of a beautiful
woman, but frequently they do not take any further steps, owing to various
considerations. In love the following circumstances are peculiar to the woman.
She loves without regard to right or wrong,1 and does not try to gain over a
man simply for the attainment of some particular purpose. Moreover, when a
man first makes up to her she naturally shrinks from him, even though she may
be willing to unite herself with him. But when the attempts to gain her are
repeated and renewed, she at last consents. But with a man, even though he
may have begun to love, he conquers his feelings from a regard for morality
and wisdom, and although his thoughts are often on the woman, he does not
yield, even though an attempt be made to gain him over. He sometimes makes
an attempt or effort to win the object of his affections, and having failed, he
leaves her alone for the future. In the same way, when a woman is once
gained, he often becomes indifferent about her. As for the saying that a man
does not care for what is easily gained, and only desires a thing which cannot
be obtained without difficulty, it is only a matter of talk.

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About making Acquaintance with the Woman, and of the efforts to gain
her over

Ancient authors are of opinion that girls are not so easily seduced by employing
female messengers as by the efforts of the man himself, but that the wives of
others are more easily got at by the aid of female messengers than by the
personal efforts of the man. But Vatsyayana lays it down that whenever it is
possible a man should always act himself in these matters, and it is only when
such is impracticable, or impossible, that female messengers should be

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